Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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