ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
