seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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