Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize