Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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