i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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