Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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