there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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