I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
