I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize