did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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