I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize