I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
