I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
