lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
