Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
