woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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