Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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