okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you win again, gameday.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
