Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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