she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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