I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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