He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
