Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
tell me about the eggs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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