Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
