Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
