I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
