somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
