Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
