the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
