its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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