I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize