Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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