we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
