I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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