I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
