ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
