I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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