Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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