my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
