i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
