I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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