my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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