my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
