dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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