Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
