gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
