I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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