Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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