My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
