Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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