seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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