I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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