You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
