Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
