Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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