weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
