he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
