I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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