well I can't set my house on fire every night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
