So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
