Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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