idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
