I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
